I blogged the other day about not knowing how to pray during this time. It’s funny how God answers those prayers. Things have continued to worsen and I have spent a lot of time in bed only getting up for what I have to do. Tonight got really bad and I just got fed up. I felt like I was losing control of everything. I finally locked myself in my room and decided to have some alone time with God. I needed to just sit with God. I listened to worship songs and it just reminded me of how Great and how powerful our God is. No matter what life brings, that is undeniable. I am so thankful for everything that He has done, who He is and how I can see Him work all around me. I began to do two different devotionals. The first one spoke of how God chooses each individual to go through whatever difficulty in order that we might have an impact on others around us to display Christ (Holy Emotions-Biblical Responses to Every Challenge written by Carol McLeod and Just Joy Ministries on the Bible App). I firmly believe that. I also know that I allow, just like the study described, my selfish attitudes to get in the way and I fail so often. I pray that God renews my/our strength and that His light will shine. That, by far, makes any and all of this worth it if even just one comes to know Him or is strengthened through my suffering. God is a good God. His ways are always good and I trust that He is allowing this for a reason. Then I read the other devotional and it just made me super pumped. It was the one that offered a prayer at the end. It was the complete answer to my prayer and I didn’t even see it coming. I love how God works! The devotional discussed how we always pray for God to provide comfort, but we don’t even really understand the true meaning of the word.”The word is made from two Latin word parts, com-, an intensifying prefix which means ‘together with,’ and fortis, which means ‘strong or strength.’ Later, the Latin word confortare comes to mean, ‘to strengthen much.’ Eventually, an Old French word, conforter, would add words like ‘solace’ and ‘help’ to the definition. Finally by the 17th century, the English version of the word implies the sense of physical ease that we understand today” (Finding Comfort in Pain provided by Life Church.tv to Bible App). They tied that all in to the prayer at the end. I couldn’t help but cry out the prayer over and over. It says, “God, I don’t like pain, but I love You. Please change my understanding of Your comfort and help me to feel it. Holy Spirit, show me where Your “together-strength” is carrying me through this. Jesus, help me to know how You bore my pain.”
I think this is the perfect cry out to God. It is not asking Him to take away the suffering necessarily. If that is His will and draws us closer to His face, then bring it on. Our earthly suffering will never compare to what He bore for us. But, He understands how we hurt, how we suffer, and that we don’t desire to feel that pain. No matter what His will is, whether to take it away or keep it, please show me your “together-strength” carrying me through. That is all that carries me through. I need you. I need Your strength. I cannot make it on my own. Amen.